Connecting with candour
What? Am I going soft on you?
Actually quite the opposite! One thing I know to be true is that LEADERSHIP requires hard core authenticity. No place to hide.
Are you struggling to empower and build capacity in your team, give and receive real feedback, motivate and delegate and share leadership …. this COULD be a useful ponder ..
How candid are you with your team members or those you are engaging with? How candid are you with yourself?
A story … yesterday I met with a client who committed to very tangible goals in our last coaching session. He seemed highly committed to meeting with his team to renegotiate the way they work – frank conversations around how to spread the work. We did loads of prep. He was taking on way too much work. When he did allocate projects or tasks to team members, he was dissatisfied with the outcome and had to redo them … his way.
Back to our session – he did not have the meeting.
He was frustrated with himself and we became curious about this tendency to not fulfil tasks that he set for himself, even though important. Why? How was he getting in his own way?
After some exploration, it turned out that doing other people’s work was:
- Tension relieving – it took time, but he did it well
- It kept him from the stress of dealing with his own strategic work which was less urgent but inordinately important. This was an area where he risked failure
- He persuaded himself he was being a good ‘role model’
So, some good intention, a blind spot and an adverse impact – the team were disgruntled – they felt he didn’t trust them to do good work. So they tried less, let him do it anyway and everyone became less empowered and less trusting of each other. Lose lose
His Coaching task, an open meeting, meant that he would have to expose himself by owning his role in the dysfunction and commit to change. It required HEART and courage. The HEART of Leadership takes us face to face with ALL of us, even the tough stuff. It turns out it is the TOUGH stuff that drives change – NOT the soft stuff.
So now what? Dealing with ourselves, our own inner stuff, is not an easy journey, but it is a worthwhile one. We are only as good a leader as we are authentic, as we are in touch with the HEART of ourselves.
TO DO – Spend the next few days noticing how you get in your own way, asking the following questions:
- How are my team members, or those around me, reflecting my own stuff back to me?
- What is my role in the disconnects?
Observe yourself with interest – next time I will share a tool to respond and grow TRUST
If this was useful, please share and invite others to sign up for more here
Chat in a few days.
Meanwhile, continue to be AMAZING,
22nd May 2017
The Power of Words
This phrase was a regular reprise throughout my childhood. I grew up instinctively knowing the power of words. I recited jumbled up versions of nursery rhymes from age one.. ‘Baa baa black sheep’ ended with ‘all the little ducks said quack quack quack’. The third of four children, my words set me ahead of the pack. I often seemed like the oldest child.
Maverick, disrupting the norm
I was the one to break the mould, name the unspoken, raise the taboo subject, challenge the norm, ask questions that no one could answer, debate that which was seemingly cast in stone. My curiosity spilled over, pushing boundaries, creating a fair bit of chaos in a conservative home. And yet I was also the one to say the moving prayer at meal times, encourage my siblings, negotiate with the strict granny, calm the suicidal cousin, negotiate new boundaries, break the news of a teenage pregnancy.
Words Build and Break
My words have indeed got me into lots of trouble; but they have also forged deep relationships – they have healed, hurt, grown, expanded, created and generated, shaped and built. Words took me from a teenage mom to an international CEO. They helped me raise four awesome, highly capable children. Words enabled me to build power teams, navigate significant company restructures, rebrandings, revisionings, turn arounds. They helped me reimagine my career and life – over and over.
Leading into the Future with words
My global work today connects me with leaders across 26 countries. At the heart of all leadership – and ALL relationships are words, or conversations.
Join us to harness C-IQ Online
I will be collating learnings from a life rich in wordsmithing and a deep understanding of neuroscience, sharing how to harness Conversational Intelligence, aka as C-IQ. into an online ‘Change your life through WOW Conversations’
Sign up here to be first in line for updates – and get a FREE PDF on Transforming Difficult conversations into vital ones.
28th February 2017
Launch your next life chapter
I regularly embrace change and encourage you to unleash your next life chapter with the help of this free Change Blueprint. As a serial change maverick I specialise in the art of possibility and change.
Never been able to fit into the proverbial box, I’ve bucked the system more times than I can recall. I am consequently driven by a strong urge to constantly shape the life I want. I thus respond quickly and decisively to new beckonings and now celebrate my serial change warrior side. Casting my view backwards, I see a vibrant winding path with multiple twists and turns. The peaks and troughs meander from Teenage Mom to International CEO. Amongst my greatest joys are my 4 children. Watching them forging amazing paths in the world ignites awe and joy. Roots and wings have been my key philosophy. In addition to my offspring, I also relish the various careers and multiple passions I’ve served. Fortunately my initial lack of formal education and multiple obstacles did not deter me from regularly reimaging my life.
If the adage of 10 000 hours qualify one as competent, my 40 000 plus hours of navigating change qualify me! During that time, I have changed life chapters constantly. I have been the CEO driving change management. I have also initiated significant and frequent personal life changes. I am now quick to recognize the familiar churning, the gentle stirring and emerging vision of new possibility, time to unleash a new life chapter. I lean into the magic a lot easier now and run with it, fear and all. I now have the agility and know how to DO that, I live life my way, on my terms.
How can we help each other?
As a result of my exciting journey, I am putting together the nuggets of my experience and would love your input.
Are you restless, unfulfilled or ready for the next mountain to climb? If so, what gets in the way and stops you from taking the plunge?
If you feel the call to make a change, start a new chapter, I would love to hear your voice. Please take a moment to answer this question here and you will receive a Free Change Blue Print and regular change nuggets.
14th January 2017